ROUBAIX, France – Merckx. De Vlaeminck. Museeuw. Boonen. Next, Van der Poel? Each generation has a rider who leaves an indelible mark on Paris-Roubaix, indisputably one of the hardest days in pro cycling.
When I heard I would have a chance to meet the GOATs of Paris-Roubaix, I jumped at the opportunity. I traveled out to the Trouée d’Arenberg, one of only three five-star cobblestone sectors in the race — indicating the highest difficulty — and one where decisive moves are often made, to meet these heroes.
Then I got some clarification.
Oh, wait — there are actual goats at Paris-Roubaix? Like, with hooves?
Well, they certainly have the same voracious appetite as a pro cyclist, and some funny-looking headwear to boot. It’s basically the same thing.
I arrived at the entrance of the sector to find a temporary paddock made of what resembles a snow fence set up around about 30 meters of cobbles, and inside were the stars of the hour, about 25 goats ranging from barely larger than a yappy terrier to great-dane sized.
They were busy at work munching away on the grass and weeds that sprout up each spring between the stones laid centuries ago. This is essential work. They’re brought in by ASO, the organizers of Paris-Roubaix (and the Tour de France) to make the course safe(r) for the riders who will come careening down the road this weekend. The stones, worn smooth over the years, are slick enough as it is — add grass on top of that and crashes become much more likely.
I managed to pull some of them aside for a quick interview about their important work.
Interview with the GOATs of Paris-Roubaix
Will Tracy: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to speak with me. The one thing everyone wants to know is whether the cobbles will be clear in time for this weekend.
Tom: Maaaaa.
WT: How are the course conditions? Have you seen better or worse in your career?
Roger: Maaaaaaaaaa.
WT: Which riders will win Paris-Roubaix this weekend?
Fabian: Maaa.
WT: You rely on proper fueling for your job. What are the merits of the high carb nutrition strategies we’re seeing riders adopt?
Johan: Maaaaa.
WT: In your professional opinion, what’s the most difficult sector?
Eddy: Carrefour de l’Aaaaaaarbre.
WT: What p.s.i. are you running?
Fabian: *No comment*
WT: Are your horns UCI approved?
Eddy: The UCI has left us with unclear guidance on whether we can continue to use them in competition.
WT: Thank you for your time. It looks like you have your work cut out for you, so I’ll let you get back to it.
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